Looking after myself

Two days after some fabric was sent from the US I got an email saying there was a mistake with one of the fabrics and they’d send the right one out immediately. I only got the first parcel today so will be at least a few more days until I get the second.

The manufacturer is relaxed and flexible with the timing. Getting the samples a little later will simply reduce the time for photography and look book design which isn’t disastrous.

I therefore suddenly have a few extra days and my stressed brain has been replaced with more or less practical brain.

It was 11pm by the time I got home last night and just before midnight as I sat down to what felt like my first home cooked meal in weeks. Unless some wonderful friend has made something, I have been living off a five year old’s diet of Vegemite toast and Milo.

Deciding this has to change I cooked for myself last night and have dropped home today for a lunch of char grilled capsicum pasta with masses of broccoli and chilli (and cheese!)

I’m slowly realising that this pace may continue for quite a while and I need to stop trying to keep going with a cold. Stop trying to skip sleep and look after myself. Stress brain does not always realise this, but more or less practical brain does when given the chance to put its two bob in.

So I’ve given myself a sleep in, done last month’s washing, done house chores and visited the supermarket.

My first visit to the supermarket in a month and I am very cautious of my finances. I think of myself currently as broke.

As I wandered down an aisle two boys came giggling around the corner.

“I’m going to buy these!” announces one as he points to a purple Pizza Shape box.

The other boy of six or seven is obviously impersonating his mother saying, “well if you can afford them then you can eat them!”

They giggle again and move onto the mint slices.

I see the mother wander past with a trolley load of barely healthy home-branded food essentials and then stare at mine comparatively.

For me being broke still sees organic penne pasta and rice milk in my basket. I am only broke in comparison to my usual standards where I would have bought organic broccoli from the little store across the road and instead I’ve bought the Safeway version. I’ve also bought the organic penne as the spirals were not on special.

Me being ‘broke’ did not stop me drinking French champagne and port at a friend’s birthday the other night. It simply meant I felt very guilty about the credit card debt I was slowly building.

It means I do not have coffee every day. It means I would never consider taking a taxi anywhere.

Seeing that family in the supermarket gave me a good jolt back to reality.

I have the opportunity to do what I love and potentially make money out of it and call it a career. I have the opportunity to be amazingly healthy and never become another burden to our medical system.

Because I have the opportunity and the means, I also feel an obligation. If I am going to go around half awake, grumpy from stress and complaining that I skipped meals, then I should be grumpy doing a basic job and I should give the opportunity to someone else who would give anything to be in my position.

That is put in a very blunt way, and sounds much more negative than I mean it to be. To me it is positive. I love what I am doing, but I will also look after myself a little more now. I will forget this and have to remind myself continually, but for the moment I am happier and may even have a chance to be social and clean room before the end of the day.

I have no idea where I got this image from. I saved it ages ago and I think it is beautiful.


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